


"you say you're a big boy, but i can't agree"

by novrik



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Innuendo, Karaoke, M/M, No Sex, Sexual Content, Sexual Humor, but it's only for the setting, someone's horny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 17:41:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19361596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novrik/pseuds/novrik
Summary: iruka dedicates his turn at karaoke night to kakashi





	"you say you're a big boy, but i can't agree"

**Author's Note:**

> currently a minor so no i don't write fucking sex ask someone else 
> 
> anyways, thank u to cam and kama for helping me choose iruka's song.
> 
> title taken from buttons by pussycat dolls which is the song iruka sings. idk how well the timings match up during that part but you can listen to it [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlMjvCI9FNM).
> 
> also shoutout to my friend ariel for helping me with some of the innuendos in the first half or so. most of the jokes were found from archer which you can watch [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHFl1z24KuY)

Kakashi had a lot of bad habits. He had the tendency to show up to work late wearing a crumpled button down and the audacity to be holding an iced coffee. No one really knew what he was supposed to be doing at the office and all anyone knew was that Kakashi was a well respected senior with seemingly close ties to the other seniors and the boss. So of course, no one ever mentioned his bad habits.

 

It was weird. He was weird. Ask any of the new guys and they’d say Hatake was scary. Ask any of the girls and they’d say Hatake was fucking nuts to be reading porn in public, much less during the day. And yet both groups swooned at the sight of the six foot, deliciously fit man. It was ridiculous considering how Kakashi had essentially two-thirds (four-fifths was more accurate but who cared?) of his face covered.

 

What was up with that anyway? There was a silent, mutual agreement amongst the newer workers that Hatake definitely had a handsome face. It was just impossible for him to not be attractive. They also came to the conclusion that hot people were simply nuts.

 

The norm was for people to talk in hush hush tones whenever Kakashi was within the vicinity or stare in awe while scurrying away if he walked past so for the new secretary to talk back was absolutely refreshing.

 

His name was Iruka Umino with a thin scar across his nose and cheeks and the most adorable sort of blush when angry. Ever since Iruka started working here, Kakashi’s highlight of the day was to come over, hand in whatever (messy) report he had, and shamelessly flirt. It was fun to see how red Iruka could go while he dutifully continued to act professional.

 

Kakashi wanted to see that oh so red face in decidedly less professional places than the office.

 

“I’ve got a package for you, Umino,” Kakashi announced, rather loudly, mask hiding his wolfish grin, and slapped down his stack of papers.

 

“Really?” Iruka had asked, merely raising a brow in return. “I was expecting something bigger.”

 

Someone had coughed in the distance, choking on their coffee while laughing. Kakashi hadn’t been bothered. He was always perfectly confident in himself, and while yes, he was well-endowed, Kakashi found that performance mattered more. So believe him, whenever he said he was going to rile up poor little Secretary Iruka.

 

The newbies talked a lot about Kakashi’s interactions with the CEO’s new assistant. For one, they had never seen him talk that much to anyone who wasn’t holding a senior position. What in the fuck did Umino have that they didn’t? And two, it was goddamn good entertainment. Who knew Hatake was this much of a flirt? Sure, he flirted a little cheesily and leaned to a lot of innuendos (it’s those goddamn porn novels) but the day to day workers couldn’t deny it. There was something so captivating about that dangerously hot and mysterious man that they’d give anything for a chance to flirt with him.

 

Some temp had willingly (they lost in rock paper scissors) gone out during the lunch break for drinks from the new boba shop down the street and successfully returned within the hour. Senior officers got first pick at the drink selection and despite his relative newness, Iruka was also offered a drink.

 

“Make a hole, Iruka,” Kakashi slyly purred as Iruka attempted to stab his straw through the plastic.

 

“Phrasing!” Guy called out in response.

 

Iruka had turned red and aggressively stabbed his drink with the straw. Kakashi was McFuckingLovin’ it.

 

“Do you like having that many balls in your mouth Iruka?” Kakashi asked, seemingly nonchalant while staring at his phone.

 

Iruka had choked and sputtered on his mouthful of drink and Kakashi casually leaned over to pat him on the back. His hands, while tempted to stray lower, strictly stayed on Iruka’s upper back. Kakashi had a fine view of both Iruka’s adorably embarrassed face and that goddamn! fine ass. To have a taste of those cherry red lips, there was nothing Kakashi wouldn’t be willing to do.

 

“Are you alright? You didn’t choke too hard?” he asked, voice smooth as silk. Cunning as he may be, Kakashi still had been rather concerned.

 

“I’m fine, Kakashi,” Iruka had muttered, face bright red and unwilling to look into Kakashi’s eye.

 

“What was that? I couldn’t hear you.” Oh Kakashi. You goddamn liar. He knew perfectly well what Iruka had said.

 

“I said,” Iruka huffed, “I’m goddamn fine, Kakashi.”

 

The silver haired man just snickered. “There’s the glower.”

 

And he leaned in, dropped his mouth adjacent to Iruka’s ear, and whispered, “You sound cute calling out my name.”

 

Kakashi had left the scene with a pat on Iruka’s shoulder, cheerfully making his way to the elevator step in step with Guy at his side. As soon as those doors closed, the room had burst into a flurry of whispers. It wasn’t hard to figure out what everyone was talking about. These days, they were all anyone talked about.

 

_They’re at it again, Hatake and Umino._

 

_That Hatake, saying the nastiest shit like always. It’s those goddamn Icha Icha novels of his._

 

_Umino? Bright red again. The poor guy._

 

_Oh I fuckin’ wish I was Umino right now. Would’ve jumped Hatake’s bones by now._

 

_I mean, I don’t find fault with Hatake. Iruka Umino is one fine piece of ass._

 

People talked. A lot.

 

It was at the end of March, three months or so after Iruka had started working for the office, that Iruka finally snapped. Truly a riot for all the employees in the near vicinity. Who knew Iruka had it in him to match Kakashi’s dirty mind?

 

Kakashi had turned in another report to Iruka as all reports going to the boss must be reviewed. He placed it on the empty space of Iruka’s desk, coolly leaning over using his arms, awaiting Iruka’s reaction.

 

“You want to play me hard, Kakashi?” Iruka questioned and stared dead into Kakashi’s visible eye.

 

Delight had made its way across Kakashi’s unfortunately covered face but it was still heard in his deep, gravelly response.

 

“You know I do.”

 

“Well, then you better nut up, because I’ve swallowed just as much as I can take from you,” Iruka hissed and shoved Kakashi’s report back into his arms.

 

“Come on, little kitty cat,” Kakashi teased. “Play with me a bit longer?”

 

And he laughed as he walked back to his desk, report in hand to be rewritten. Kakashi couldn’t wait to see Iruka at karaoke that night.

 

It was a tradition at this particular office to go for drinks and do karaoke at the end of every month. There’s been quite a few memories made at past karaoke nights. It was a few years ago when Guy had stripped and danced for them. That memory had stayed rather vivid in Kakashi’s mind despite him not wanting to ever ever think about it. There were more pleasant memories of course such as Asuma drunkenly proposing to Kurenai a couple of months ago.

 

Holding a rather high position, Iruka’s past two karaoke experiences were with the other senior staff. Relatively tame events that hadn’t really stuck out in comparison to other memories. Kakashi supposed that karaoke wasn’t really Iruka’s thing but the other man came anyway, probably out of a sense of respect to uphold traditions and shit.

 

Holy fuck. Kakashi was goddamn wrong. He was motherfucking Wrong.

 

Sitting in that dark ass room, bass turned the fuck up, and sipping on his glass of whiskey, Kakashi was losing his goddamn mind. He was losing his shit. Oh my fucking god.

 

In the first place, Kakashi didn’t see Iruka drink that much at the previous karaoke nights so to see him progressively down drinks as the night went on was something else. Iruka’s face was flushed permanently red, eyebrows cutely furrowed into concentration, lips definitely pouting, and he was staring. Staring right at Kakashi for some fuckass reason. Kakashi sure as hell had no clue why Iruka was staring but by god, he did not fucking mind. Those dark eyes? Yeah, keep them on him.

 

While the night progressed and Iruka grew drunker and drunker, the amount of skin he was showing also grew. It started with his sleeves; he’d rolled them up to his elbows. My god, you could see his biceps even better.

 

There went Iruka’s tie. And the first two buttons of his dress shirt. Those fucking collarbones. Those goddamn collarbones.

 

Kakashi’s been sweating all night. He’s also rolled up his sleeves and unbuttoned his shirt. This was fucking ridiculous. How could one man be that attractive? Kakashi really wanted to know.

 

The other thing that caught Kakashi off guard was holy fucking shit, Iruka could do karaoke really well.

 

Who put him up to this song? Motherfucker probably got help from Anko to plan this shit.

 

Out of all the songs he could have chosen, Iruka chose to sing “Buttons” by Pussycat Dolls.

 

“This song is for you Kakashi,” Iruka said aloud.

 

Kakashi had been initially been flattered that Iruka would sing something for him. He took back any feeling of flattery when Iruka sang the first lyrics. Iruka Umino was the goddamn devil.

 

 _“I’m telling you to loosen up my buttons baby,”_ came Iruka’s breathy voice. _“But you keep fronting, uh, saying what you gonna do to me, uh huh, but I ain’t seen nothing.”_

 

Kakashi wasn’t really the type to blush but even in the dim lighting, everyone else in the room could see the tinge of pink over the edge of his mask. His blush only grew stronger as Iruka made his away across the room to him, swaying hips entrancing Kakashi’s eyes.

 

 _“What I want to do is spring this on you,”_ Iruka continued to sing, leaning forward in Kakashi’s space. _“Back up all the things that I told you.”_

 

Their foreheads were fucking touching. At that distance, Kakashi could smell the alcohol on Iruka’s breath; he could see the lust clouding Iruka’s eyes. Kakashi’s throat was dry, lips in need of a swipe of chapstick. Desire rushed through the blood coursing in his veins. He couldn’t remember the last time he wanted someone this badly.

 

Iruka was straddling his lap.

 

_“Baby, can’t you see? How these clothes are fitting on me?”_

 

_“And the heat coming from this beat”_

 

_“I’m about to blow, I don’t think you know”_

 

Iruka’s free hand was trailing up Kakashi’s torso all the while still staring dead into his eye. His hand felt hot going up Kakashi’s chest. If he wasn’t feeling so enraptured with how goddamn sexy Iruka was, Kakashi would’ve noticed how Iruka seemed to take especially long feeling him up.

 

 _“I’m telling you to loosen up my buttons baby,”_ Iruka sang, finger tilting back Kakashi’s chin.

 

He leaned in closer.

 

_“But you keep fronting, uh”_

 

_“Saying what you gonna do to me, uh”_

 

_“But I ain’t seen nothing”_

 

Iruka turned himself around.

 

 _“You say you’re a big boy, but I can’t agree,”_ he went in that breathy voice of his, hips grinding against Kakashi’s lower body.

 

A hitch in Kakashi’s breathing. He was getting a free fucking lap dance from none other than Iruka Umino. Now was not the time to be getting a boner.

 

_“I wonder”_

 

_“If I’m just too much for you”_

 

Goddamn Iruka. Definitely too much for him, but Kakashi was always one to indulge himself when it came to things he liked.

 

_“Wonder”_

 

_“What I got next for you”_

 

_“What you want to do?”_

 

What he wanted to do? Kakashi wanted to [long redacted] but for now, he just settled with letting his hands wrap around Iruka’s waist. That seemed to be the right answer because Iruka gave another grind of his hips and leaned back into Kakashi’s chest to smirk up at him.

 

_“I’m telling you to loosen up my buttons baby”_

 

_“But you keep fronting”_

 

_“Saying what you gonna do to me”_

 

_“But I ain’t seen nothing”_

 

Iruka twisted his body again, still sitting in Kakashi’s lap but now with an arm looped around his neck and the other cupping his face. Kakashi could feel Iruka’s hot breath, could see the thin sheen of sweat on his forehead, could taste his desire hanging in the air.

 

 _“Come on baby, loosen up my buttons babe,”_ was whispered directly into Kakashi’s ear.

 

He could feel the press of Iruka’s body against his own, hot and flushed. Iruka’s fingers have gotten friskier; Kakashi could tell that much from the tingly sensation he got whenever they ghosted along his body. Kakashi’s hands had shifted to where his right was settled on Iruka’s hip, fingertips practically touching the curve of his ass, and his left hooked around his thighs.

 

Everyone was staring, whether it be discreetly or straight up voyeuristic. His repentance, Kakashi decided, for pushing Iruka to the edge. He finally had Iruka in his lap and his punishment was to have everyone watch.

 

Kakashi prided himself on restraint but it seemed like he was going to lose it any second. The low whines going straight to his ear. The clever twist of hips against his own. The press of hot fingertips on his collarbone. The deliberate press of ass on his dick.

 

That goddamn song was finally over.

 

Immediately, Kakashi had a hold on Iruka’s wrist, deftly taking the microphone and tossing it to the side. Keeping his grip on the other man, Kakashi pulled him out of the karaoke room, an action followed by a multitude of wolf whistles and loud encouragement from Guy. He pulled Iruka all the way to the restroom in hopes for a bit of privacy.

 

Right as the doors swung behind them, Kakashi swiftly dragged down his mask to kiss Iruka. He’s got Iruka pinned against the wall, hands around his waist. Kakashi can feel Iruka’s hands on the wide expanse of his back. One of them moaned, high pitched and whiny, and the blood went straight to Kakashi’s head. He pushed Iruka up, who in turn wrapped his legs around Kakashi’s waist. His hands cupped Iruka’s ass while he continued to taste cherry scented chapstick.

 

“Someone’s in a rush,” Kakashi murmured.

 

“Teasing me for three months wasn’t very nice, Kakashi,” Iruka huffed in return.

 

“All three months?”

 

“I’ve been very horny,” Iruka stated, poking a finger into Kakashi’s chest. “Very fucking horny with no one to help me but my right hand.”

 

Kakashi snickered. “I can change that.”

 

“You can, can’t you?” Iruka said huskily and leaned in to kiss the beauty mark at the edge of Kakashi’s lips.

 

“Perhaps when you’re sober.”

 

“What a gentleman you are,” Iruka drily replied.

 

“Consent is sexy, Iruka dear,” Kakashi said. “I can watch you jerk yourself off if you could come to that.”

 

“Not surprised about your voyeur kinks, not when literally everyone watched me give you a lap dance.”

 

“Well, can I take you home or not?” Kakashi asked with a smile.

 

“You’re taking me home and all you can do is watch.”

 

“Really?” Kakashi hummed and captured Iruka’s lips once more. “I can’t fuck you in the morning?”

 

“If you don’t, I’m going to quit this fucking job.”

**Author's Note:**

> wedding fic is next
> 
> twitter: tanjirowo


End file.
